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Seeking nesting partner... am I doing this backwards?
2020.09.24 16:53 ukeanduetSeeking nesting partner... am I doing this backwards?
I (28F) have been on OK Cupid (which is the only dating app I know of with a nonmonogamous filter) and so far I haven't seen anyone specify that they want a primary-eventually-nesting partner that is open to seeing other people. Most everyone there that I am attracted to is already married or partner and looking for a girlfriend or fwb. How weird is it that I want to find my primary, that will be open to being open? My ideal scenario is to be exclusive to start, unless our kinks don't match up well- in that case, simply playdates only. Once we've developed a deeper bond, communication is clear and desires are well known, I'd want to move onto seeing other people and dating poly. I have two good friends - one identifies as nonmonog, the other as poly. The nonmonog one has told me that it was his partner of 3 years (now 5) that suggested they be open while he was working for months at a time in the middle east, and that's how they started. For my poly friend, she had an affair 5 years into her marriage, and she and her husband decided to become open once she identified as poly. I don't know many other "origin stories." What started your poly journey? Is there anyone out there also looking for their primary companion? Are there any others sites to meet people with my interests? I appreciate your read. TL;DR - I'm looking for a primary-to-nesting partner that is poly or at least wants to explore the option. What's the best approach to take?
2020.09.24 05:06 pinguitis_granditisA Jemi Short Story
During the middle of class, John noticed a set of eyes looking in his direction. Moving his eyes to the left of him, he saw the pink-haired girl who continued to stare at him. Noticing he was staring at her, she quickly darted her eyes back to the front of the class. 'Why is my heart pounding against my chest?' John said to himself. Remi, on the other hand, looked down at her desk, deep in thought. 'For some reason, I want to keep looking at him. His messy black hair, burnt gold eyes, defined jawline... Ugh! Snap out of it, Remi!' Days went by, and it was the same. The two would exchange glances from across the room, despite rarely ever interacting. That was until the teacher partnered them up. That was the day that opened down a new path between John and Remi. They grew closer as they began hanging out after school. From John inviting Remi to Woaba Boaba to Remi helping John with his homework at his dorm, they were inseparable. One could even say Cupid had shot them with an arrow. Two months later, on a Saturday afternoon, Remi's tongue slipped up, and she accidentally confessed her feelings to John. John's eyes widened as he analyzed Remi's reddened face. "Y-You...like me...?" Remi turned her face to the right, trying to hide her blush and failing miserably. She gave a shaky nod then glanced at John from her peripheral. "I like you too..." he said, containing a slight blush across his cheeks. Her heart sped up and a smile formed on her face. She ran forward and embraced him into a tight hug. A week later, John asked Remi to be his girlfriend, and she happily accepted. Eventually, their one month anniversary came, and John visited Remi at her dorm. In front of him, he saw Remi exit her room, holding a small teddy bear that had a heart in its paws. Her face was beaming with happiness. "Happy one month anniversary!" she said with a slight blush. "Oh my... I'm so sorry. I completely forgot... I've been overloaded with homework this past couple of days." He had his arms behind his back. "Oh..." She moved her head down a little, feeling a bit bummed. "Th-That's okay..." "Aw, don't give me that expression. You really think I'd forget such a special day?" He revealed to her a bundle of roses he was holding the entire time behind his back. Her slight frown turned into a smile as she slowly shook her head. "Ughhh. I hate you!" She walked forward and playfully pushed him. "I don't think that's the right thing to say on our one month anniversary." He chuckled. She rolled her eyes. "I love you, dork." "I love you too, Remi."
2020.09.23 07:29 zachthenerd1131 [M4F] Orlando Florida looking for a weeb girl...
Updated:08-23-2020 I am The main protagonist in my life, Looking FOR A DEUTERAGONIST WEEB GIRL! Greetings, and Thank you for taking the time to peruse my profile. I am particularity looking for someone who shares the same goals, passions, and hobbies that I do. I've come to the realization those things mean a lot to me. So take your time reading my profile, and if after you read it and you think I'm a fit then I do hope to hear from you. Hello, my name is Zach I am 31 until October I was excited for 2020 this year. I was going to make more of an attempt this year to go out and meet more people and the chance of finding someone. Why couldn't I do this before that is because I didn't have the means to so but that changed three months before the new year than this year started. Honesty this year sickened me with what unfolded over the months but enough of that. I am not really into political things but my views line up with left-libertarian I am Agnostic and my personality type is ENFJ-A for people who care. I also support and believe in LGBT, women's rights, and black lives matter. I am not from Florida I moved here in 2002 from Ohio I was raised by a single mother and I have two sisters which we are very close to this day. I've had a good upbringing even though my mom struggled to provide for us. my mother taught us these Core Values that I believe to this day communication, trust, kindness, loyalty, respect, and equality. These things also apply in the relationships that I build with friends and relationships with my past partners that I will continue to do so moving forward. So saying this what brings me to hear will 2011 to 2015 was a really rough time in my life with relationships I went through learning very hard things that I thought that I would never let happen to myself until it happens. This echoes to this day but that was 2015 it's been six years and I haven't found anyone and continue to look now. I took the time to heal over that time learned somethings that I never know I was interested in. I took the time because I was abused, used, and thrown away in between 2011 to 2015 My past relationships Didn't work for many reasons what's funny though i didn't end them. Besides the negative things that happen I was not really compatible with them, I am looking for someone who shares my interests like Anime and Gaming, Comics, Geek Culture in General, etc. I also want someone who wants to befriend my friends and family. But overall l am looking for someone who is genuinely kind and considerate but can also think for herself. someone who I can geek out going to conventions, movies, watching TV, waiting for a game to come out no more opposites for me. I can’t do opposites anymore I want someone who can hold an intellectual conversation. I've known that i have a high sex drive and learned that I'm into BDSM and open-minded and that I was learning some things that I might be interested polyamory many a triad Relationship but I know that takes a lot of trusts and I'm aware that It may not happen but would like an open-minded person to talk about it with. I do want to take things slower than I am used to but I don't be placed in friend the zone area. I used to move faster then I would have liked I am not proud of that fact I want to build with someone and grow together. So I am asking a lot and what do I have to give I can say what you deserve and will get from me. Someone who will support your dreams and goals with no harsh criticism or even malice only you will get love and support. You will always have my ear to listen to help if and when I am needed you will always have my loyalty I detest cheating. If there is a problem and it can't be fixed leave that relationship there's no reason to cheat and hurt someone. there are so many partners that don't get simple things everyone should have in general In a relationship. I can go on but if after you read my profile and interested don't hesitate to write to me I love when someone is detailed while messaging but what I don't enjoy are one-liner's and people who just drop off don't say anything for a few hour's or even day's I will give one last try but if you do that more then once at that point I will stop talking to you. I will put the effort that I receive back thanks for reading my profile and I hope to hear from you! Ps. You will see be on these dating sites POF, OkCupid, Bumble, Hinge, Facebook Dating, Zook, Match, Eharmony, Tinder, Geek2Geek, and FetLife.
2020.09.22 04:29 greengod210Did it recently occur to anybody else how much online dating sucks?
I have been on many online dating sites, and I have had no success on any of them. Here is a list of the sites I have been on: -Bumble: I got absolutely no messages or matches. I made a good profile, tried to filter my preferences, and I didn’t get a single message in the 4 months before I cancelled and deleted my account. -Match: If possible, this was the worst one of all. It surprised me because it normally has the reputation of being a welcome relief from other, cheaper dating sites, but I didn’t get a single match or message on this app. It’s just awful for people my age (22). My (divorcée) parents both met their respective partners on Match and are still going strong and happy after 5 years. Match is great for middle-aged people, but for young people, it’s awful. -Christian Mingle: I am religious, attend Mass every Sunday and am a Eucharistic Minister, so I figured this would be “it.” But not a single match or message in the five months I was on there. Just as bad as the other site. -Catholic Match: trash -OkCupid: Perhaps the most depressing app I’ve used so far. Not only do hardly any of the girls on there actually take it seriously. “idk why I’m here lol, just follow me on Instagram,” all that sort of crap. But the features of the app make it impossible to get in touch with anyone. My friend has a date with a girl he met from there tomorrow night and has had 5 matches in the past 2 weeks, texting for days with 2 of them. I sat down with him and reviewed everything about my profile, and he even took some good, professional photos of me. I’ve done the exact same thing he did that got all these matches, and I have yet to receive a single message from an actual pretty girl. I filter my preferences (Catholic, thin to average, within 25 miles) and the app gives me the exact opposite of all those things (atheist, “full-figured,” 60 miles away, etc). This is my only active subscription right now, and I will be cancelling after this month. I’m done with this. I have literally never felt worse about myself than trying all these online dating sites to no avail. I am about a 5 out of 10, a relatively ugly guy. So these apps are just horrible for me. Whenever I did get a message (once every 3 months, if I’m lucky), they were from girls I was repulsed by. If I just found them “ok” I would’ve pursued it, but I’d rather be single than end up with the girls who messaged me-not one of them weighed less than 250-300 lbs, which just makes me realize I am ugly as sin if no one messages me besides massively overweight girls. Starting at the end of my current OkCupid subscription, I’ll be focusing on expanding my social circle and hobbies in real life and meeting someone that way. I don’t even like meeting people through a computer. I was only trying it because I live in the suburbs and there are hardly any single girls my age where I live, and I was at a complete loss. Anyone else feel the same way, particularly guys??
2020.09.20 12:41 87765309Talking about previous relationships with who you're dating.
Am I prudent? I don't feel comfortable talking with a new partner or someone I am dating about past relationships in general but mainly with sex I'm on OkCupid and so many questions are detailed sex questions like "do you like being choked while your mom watches you two." And I don't want to think about this girl I'm trying to fall in love with being plowed every which way by her numerous ex's. I've had a handful of relationships and hook ups and I regret doing some nasty things with all of those. Doing them because I thought we had something real. I know I'm over thinking this but I can't help it. I'm a romantic and I'm both a pessimist and an optimist. And at the same time I want to be comfortable enough with a partner to be able to talk about these things and not care. But I think I'm traumatized from my first relationship and how horrible a person that girl was. Is that a normal thing people do when they start dating, talking about past relationships? I'm a very honest open person.
2020.09.19 02:47 suspiciouselipsisSomeone please tell me what I'm doing wrong 😢
So. I'm am not the good at the dating. I'm in my mid 30s and I've only ever had 2 relationships. The first began when I was 20 when I settled for a highschool friend who I always knew had a crush on me, but I was never interested. It ended 4 years later and was probably a waste of time for both of us since it was never based on mutual interest (although she never knew). From there I committed to never settling again even if it meant I'd die alone. The second one began just last year. For those of you counting, YES that means I was single for 10 YEARS from 24 until my mid 30s! I don't know wtf happened. But I saw a profile of a girl with no clear pics of the girl but from her silhouette facing away from a distance I figured she could be cute and I was in no position to be picky. Miraculously got a match. Even more miraculously it turned out she was a stone cold thottie. Even more miraculously she agreed to go on a date with me. Even more miraculously she had a good time and decided to go on a second. Even more miraculously she slept with me, decided to keep doing that, introduced me to her son, stuck with me for a while, etc., etc.. And I haven't the faintest clue why THE FUCK; or conversely, if she saw something in me at some point why the fuck DOESN'T anyone else ever seem to. But, she did just dump me after a little under a year together and I'm back to square one just like that. Last time I was here it took me 10 YEARS to find one person. And that only lasted 1. I can't do it again. I can't be alone until my late goddamn 40s. So I need to fix whatever it is about me or what I'm doing. Um. When I first broke up with my first ex at 24 I had a calvin klein underwear model of a firefighter buddy who had just been dumped by his fiance, was heartbroken, and embarking on a revenge mission to literally fuck every woman, and then figuratively fuck them again by not calling back. I'm pretty sure he accomplished this, although I stopped hanging out with him before he was done. Anyway he immediately turned me on to plenty of fish and ok cupid (tinder and bumble didn't even exist yet), where he was getting most of his girls except for the random victoria's secret lingerie models he happened to pick up at the bars in Huntington Beach when we were out. So for those 10 years that I was single I was on all this shit. Pof, okc, tinder, and bumble. I just. Never. Get any goddamn matches. 9/10 times I do get matches they never write me and the match expires (on bumble), or if I write them first they never respond. 9/10 times I do get an actual message from a match I respond, and they never write back. 9/10 they do write back they only ever write back once and I never hear from them again. 9/10 times someone actually does write back and forth enough times to call it an honest to goodnesses conversation, it eventually trails off and nothing ever comes of it. 9/10 times there's ever a date ahem meeting the girl is adament that this is not a date!!! 100%, 10/10 times there's ever a meet up, date whatever the fuck it's fine. There's never any horror stories, but there's also never a second date. Except her. And yeah. I know that's probably pretty much how it goes for most other people. Except, I think most other people get a lot more matches a lot more often in the first place! Which makes it faster to sift through the shit and get an actual date. Assuming only 1/100 matches gets a date, it's not such a problem when you get 100 matches per month. But when you only get 1 or 2 matches a month IF YOU'RE LUCKY... huston we have a problem. In 10 years if being online every day, swiping on every app, all day, I only got literally 5 dates ever. That's one every 2 years. That's like 1 date per 100,000 right swipes. So help me. The fuck out please. TL;DR In my mid 30s, chronically unable to find partners. Only 2 girlfriends in my life, 1 only because I settled because I couldn't find anything mutual for many years. Was single for a DECADE. Finally got the first girlfriend I've ever had that I've been attracted to last year and just got dumped anyway leaving me at square one. Online profiles never get any matches. Will post link to tinder profile in comments!
2020.09.18 19:59 oilydischarge18Marriage certificate/ city clerks office
I registered for a marriage certificate months ago but haven’t been able to secure a date on Project Cupid. Has anyone else figured out a way around this? How long can this go on for? We can’t even register as domestic partners. We’ve both lost our jobs and need to get on the same health insurance. Being married would help our situation a lot but they never have any updates on when they’ll be back up and running (or at least have a few appts available for online weddings). Seems like such a crazy thing to not have available right now, especially since it’s online. I’m also curious to know if anyone skipped town and found a place upstate to get married maybe? Where did you go? Thanks in advance for any insight!
2020.09.18 16:17 othellomyfellowFeeling Kind of Like Giving Up
I know a lot of people can get into a rut when trying to find a cougar or a cub to date, but I feel like I've been doing it for so long and I've just always hit a wall before I can even get going. Little info about me, I'm 26, modestly handsome, living in temperamental Northern AZ. I'm in an open relationship with a partner who approves and even understands my interest in older women. But there in lies the first issue. I feel like because I'm in an open relationship, I am wearing this scarlet letter, basically telling everyone that I'm not to be trusted or that I'm no good to do. And I know there are inherent biased for dudes in open relationships, because yeah, a lot of them use it as a lie to cheat. I'm always upfront about my relationship and my partner, because I really do want an honest and respectful relationship. But it seems to no avail. I've tried Tinder, and OkCupid, and Hinge, and even that dating app that's supposed to be catered to meeting older women (although it might just be full of bots) OWD. But it feels like I am getting skipped over or just ignored. Which is fine, that's thier choice and I respect it. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I thought that maybe I'd catch somebody's eye. The last cougar I talked to I met on Whisper and she wanted something casual and fun, which was great. But she couldn't get out of the idea that having sex with a younger man made her feel dirty and always flaked out. That's her choice and even though I tried to reassure her that she deserves physical intimacy just like everyone else, she ghosted me. Sorry to mope and whine to all of you. It feels nice to at least get this all off my chest and talk about it. I've liked older women pretty much since I knew I could like people, but I feel like I'm in a rut and it's taking down my self confidence. Thank you all for reading.
I’ve always been a cherubic little fucker, so some years back I decided to become an apprentice to Cupid. I spent hours and hours on the shooting range perfecting my archery skills, and then I was assigned to Paris, the city of lights and lovers, to serve out my apprenticeship. To tell you the truth, my opinion of Cupid is pretty low. He doesn’t even work anymore; he just sits around eating and drinking and being foul to us underlings. Maybe there was a time when he was a rock star, but let me tell you—that time has passed. If it were up to me, I might just choose to put an arrow is his fat ass, to infect him with some love; but it’s not, so there’s that. Besides, Cupid notwithstanding, I adore what I do. It gives me a sense of purpose; I feel I’m making a significant contribution to humankind. I mean, what in this world is more important than love? So, just like so many evenings before, I set out to the park, looking for lovers. I spotted a pair right away. He seemed pretty anxious, and she was dressed fairly provocatively, so I took off after them, keeping myself hidden from view as always. They ducked behind a row of fairly dense hedges, and I maneuvered myself into a shooting position. Let’s see—he had his wallet out—gave her some money—she dropped to her knees. Wait a minute! This wasn’t a love connection; it was a business transaction. They weren’t deserving of Cupid’s arrow. So, off I went again. A few minutes later I found a couple sitting on a secluded park bench, and they were exuding all the signs: holding hands, foreheads leaned together, sweet whispers, tender kisses and caresses. Bullseye—I’d found my target for the evening. I found the perfect perch from where I could deliver my gift—just across the trail and completely secluded with only the tiniest of openings to fire through. I removed a resplendent arrow from my quiver, nocked it, and waited for the precise moment—if she’d just move her torso ever so slightly to the left. Perfect! I loosed my arrow, and as always, its flight was true. It pierced his chest and impaled his heart, and like a stone he fell to the ground. Great shooting, if I don’t say so myself. Normally, the partner of the fallen would be so taken aback that I would have ample time to renock and take them down as well. Not this one, though. She sprang to her feet, gawked at the arrow protruding from her partner’s chest only briefly, and then she began to scream wildly for help as she ran away. Oh well, a bird in hand was better than getting caught in the bush. It was time for me to go. The area would be crawling with police soon. The French police—ha! Evading the French police was child’s play for Le Cupidon Tueur.
2020.09.14 20:31 SaltFishing9A Christmas Journey. In Prose. Being an Infinity Train/A Christmas Carol Crossover: With apologies to Charles Dickens. Stave 1: The Train From Nowhere.
Belle was gone, to begin with. There could be no more denying that. The temporary heartbreak from which she had walked away that December Afternoon on the outer rim of Hyde Park and that she had assured the unfortunate wretch whom she had, perhaps justifiably, inflicted it upon would be just that, was incomparable to the more permanent trauma which she now bore within her chest, like an accused iron maiden around her soul. Scrooge was undoubtedly both the cause and the victim of this painful affair, for pain was no more a stranger to him than a mother, ever dutiful by the fireside of a nursery is to her children, fast at rest after experiencing her affection and kindness at play and dining during the hours of the day. Needless to say, the power which Cupid and Venus had held over once two infatuated lovers, Romance, was as dead as a doornail. Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, in the tragic nature for which it so deserves that, here at least, Romance was as dead as a door-nail. Scrooge minded that Belle was gone? Of course he did! How could he feel otherwise? For many weeks, the rue of his ''release'' lingered and would reoccur, quite unwelcomed but often regardless. And yet, in all outward verbalisms, as his wife who would never be had so assured him, he had dismissed the event as an unprofitable dream, from which he declared to be truly glad to have awoken from in time, lest domestication and family thereafter descend upon his survival, seeking to be the avatar of his ruination. For, although a young man in the prime of life, Scrooge had done all to convince himself of the frivolous impracticality of such things as these. His needs, in all departments, were met and well met. These being, to make an account in full, his profits, his trade, his security and his sole friend and partner. Marley fulfilled this last position to the best of his ability and his work ethic therein had succeeded all of Scrooge's expectations for he was, although two years his senior, in much the same mindset as his younger collaborator in many a matter of the mind, if not, in some forms, the vault. The subject of ''domestic bliss'', however, was no different to Marley than it was to Scrooge. So, therefore, upon Belle's departure, did he gladly rejoice, though with dignified disregard, at what he perceived as Scrooge's ''deliverance from the ball and chain.'' The mention of the lovers' separation brings me to my second point. Much in the way love had perished that day, the man whom Scrooge had been accustomed to being for the past several years, was himself, dead. At some point during his 31 summers, the same event had occurred to Marley, though Scrooge had, out of respect, never sought to divulge the details of the instance from his friend's recollection. In both cases, neither man sought to revive such deceased personalities. To themselves and, indeed those who had once so proudly professed to know them, the men who had experienced those life-altering occasions, would never again be the men who had so recklessly promenaded into them. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. The concern the two had established had been in businesses for but two years by the time I can confess this tale to truly begin. There it sat, in the throbbing commerce heart of The City for years afterwards with the familiar sign above the door: Scrooge and Marley. (The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley.) From the point of view of more traditional perspectives, it made little sense that the younger of the two should, in any way, have his name placed in higher regard than the elder partner, although it was generally known that it was Scrooge's incalculable cognition of figures and money changing that had brought the firm to such notoriety in so small a space of time. Those with such philosophies, nevertheless, insistently referred to the practice as ''Marley and Scrooge,'' but both men answered to both names. It was all the same to them. Oh! But they were tight-fisted hands at the grindstone, Scrooge and Marley! The years had seen the nobler aspirations of their salad days die off until, at length, only the master-passion, the master vice, Gain seemed to remain. By degree, they had gradually altered themselves into what the debtor ever fears and that the philanthropist ever pities. Squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous sinners! Near hard and sharp as flint, which no steel would or could now strike out generous fire, Secret and self-contained and, if not for each other's company, as solitary as oysters. Naturally, as the eldest, Marley had first succumbed to the ailments of the self that such a life produced as well as that of the soul. The cold within him froze and mismatched his outer appearance to his true age. Sunk his cheeks, dried his lips, beaked his flattened nose and shortened his deep brown hair, to where he now wore the remnants in a familiar pigtail which became, save for his rounded spectacles, as days of hours of working in darkness had mildly affected the use of his eyes, his soul distinguishing trait. Scrooge's own refrigeration had produced similar alterations as this. His own cheeks were as equally submerged, his eyes red, his thin lips blue, his chin, uncannily pointed at the tip, so that his head near resembled a flattened crescent moon with a blunted top. Upon the wiry, brushed plot of black that covered most of said top was a thin streak of silver, no thicker than a stalk of barley. An emblem of tension and senectitude. Each man carried his own increasingly low temperature always about with him. They iced the office in the dog-days and didn't thaw it one degree at Christmas. The only indication remaining that the two men were, indeed, members of the same race as those they so often walked past in the streets with their eyes turned down, was that they were still, for the time being, governed by nature's laws. Whilst external Warmth and Chill did little to influence them, foul weather was just this to them as it was to all of humanity. Bitter winds and falling snow remained more intent on their purposes than they and yet, the prevailing fear among all was that, with the coming of their winters, the Heaviest rain and snow would boast of the advantage over them in only one respect. They often "came down" handsomely, and Scrooge and Marley never did. The usurious and withdrawn reputation of the dyad soon proceeded them. Nobody ever stopped them in the street to say, with gladsome looks, "My dear Scrooge, how are you? And you as well, Marley my good fellow! When will you both come to see me?" Few beggars implored them to bestow a trifle, few children asked them what it was o'clock, few men or women ever once in all their life inquired the way to...such and such a place, of Scrooge or Marley. In truth, the only minute difference that either man had against the other, was in terms of spending. Whilst Scrooge firmly and unflaggingly took as gospel the notion of making one's fortune and keeping it by way of what he viewed as ''logical meagerness,'' at times to the extent of near malnourishment and hypothermia, due to the piteous fires at his own lodgings, Marley was, although hardly benevolent, more prone to selfish indulgence to a certain degree. He indulged in certain sins of gluttony and of the flesh whenever the urge took him, and paid little mind to those outside who scavenged the ashcans for a crust of bread. While some may regard these distinctions as that which would inevitably rend asunder the fabric of such a friendship, Scrooge shared too many an opinion with his older companion to truly take offence and while he, at times, would feel compelled to make some offhand judgment over Marley's ''Flirtation with Flavour,'' these times were few and often forgotten. Once upon a time— a week and a day from all the good days in the year, Christmas Eve—Scrooge sat busy in the counting-house, awaiting the return of Marley from his customary journey to Capel Court. It was cold, biting weather, yet bright with fading sunlight and he could hear the people in the court outside, go wheezing up and down, beating their hands upon their breasts, and stamping their feet upon the pavement stones to warm them. The city clocks had only just gone three, though owing to the shortened days of winter, the sky was already beginning to turn amber and ruddy with the setting of the sun. As was customary, the signs of winter evergreen with its pinecones and berries, the holly, ivy and mistletoe, had been hung early in honour of the blessed day and all about could be seen signs of play, glad tidings and goodwill as the light from the fading day flowed generously through the windows of neighbouring offices, as if peach cider being poured into a goblet of crystal. But Scrooge paid this little heed. His eyes, squinted from want of blinking, were, like his nose, lost in a series of open ledgers upon his desk, which he eyed with an expression of impatience and pique. His own office possessed a small window of iron bars with small holes at the base for the changing of money, from which Scrooge might keep his eye upon the Bookkeepers as well as the Head Clerk. In the case of the former, there were 10 in total, some old, some young, some with families some without, all with their noses deep in their registries while the Clark, a young, short, willowy lad of 19 years, who sat nearby them in a dismal little cell above, a sort of tank, was copying letters. There were two coal boxes between both employer and employee. Both were of regular size, yet both fires were so meagre, that the junior clerks, shivering with frost upon their stools, found their ink begin to ice over in their pots, their own fire being so slight that it appeared to be made of but 5 coals. Scrooge's window gave a commanding view of the Head Clerk, who's own scuttle sat next to his desk. Scrooge and Marley regulated the usage of the coal at all times. The Clerk could not replenish it without the employers' sanction and so surely as the clerk laid hand upon the shovel, the disapproving, iron gaze of the master would instantly cause him such fear for his position as to send him dejectedly back to his books. The opening of the door and the purl of the brass bell altered Scrooge to the return of Marley from his chore. Past the staff he strode, never giving them so much as a wish for the upcoming season. Under his arm, he carried sought after financial tabloids, obtained from his return journey, which he brought into the counting-house before roughly laying them upon the table before the younger partner. "The Exchange is closing on the 24th early, I hear.'' This the elder said as he sat at his place at the table, facing the younger. " To "Honour the Season," or so says the Beadle.'' "Bah!" said Scrooge, "Humbug!" He said this last word with such sincerity, did Scrooge, that for a brief flash of time, one could see themselves sympathizing with such a statement. ''Eh?" came the reply. "Which Humbug per-say? The Beadle?'' ''Christmas, to be sure!" Said Scrooge with slight indignance, for he had always respected the Beadle and his work with the constabulary, particularly when the lawman's great staff fell upon the unwitting heads of long-overdue debtors. "No doubt the Royal Exchange will follow suit." "And so it must, by law." Marley reasoned. "But, if you'll forgive me for this point, I do not recall you ever using such language towards Christmas as you have with other festivals." "I can only regret such a delay," returned the younger man, "with the deepest of remorse! I ask you this, Jacob. What good has Christmas ever done you or I? What is it but a mockery of commercial enterprise? A time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you? Look at the staff accounts for yourself and see how near this damned holiday has come to ruin us!" Saying this he slid across the table the tome detailing staff payment. Marley, without hesitation, began reading the open pages. Upon doing so, his sultana skinned lips drooped, his head shook with the greatest disappointment as a few stay "Tsk tsks" exited through his teeth. "You see now then?" sneered Scrooge bitterly through closed teeth. "This is what Christmas means to us, my friend! Our Bookkeepers, barely worth their salt, slacking, gossiping idly of personal matters whenever our backs are turned to them, rather than putting their minds to honest imperial capital! Picking our pockets every 25th of December, to top it all! How can we be taken seriously as either Moneylenders or Merchants under such circumstances, I ask you? Humbug!" "Come now." Replied Marley, with a hint of fright, brought on by his companion's outburst. "My dear Ebenezer. Surely, you don't think I am against you on this point? The mad frivolity and foolishness of the season have always caused me some form of revulsion! The beggars, the devil take them, holding out their hats and ratting their cups, the maddening din of children singing carols at one's doorstep, without invitation to boot! Not to mention, the demand for abundant charity at our expense!" "And so it shall be always." replied the resigned Scrooge. "'Till a new age of enlightenment dawns upon us. But, back to the matter of the dolts, if I may..." "Yes! Of course." said Jacob, dutifully. "Perhaps then a reduction in staff, a streamlining if you will, is overdue? I suppose it is so. As you say, we have been taken advantage of." he added, taking from his own inkpot a pen of modernity and putting the bib to a blank, lined sheet. Doing so, he tapped the side of his hooked nose with the end of the stylus, his thin eyebrow arching, causing him to appear both interesting and interested all at once. "Hmm, yes. What say you then, Ebenezer? A half reduction in staff? No? Perhaps only a third reduction will be necessary?" "99.9% reduced." corrected Scrooge coldly, in such a tone as to cause Marley's pen to fall silent. "All excused, save for one." "Cratchit?" enquired his elder tradesman. "Cratchit." confirmed the younger. His eyes cast a glance beyond the barred window, where the young Cratchit, Head of the Clerks, was dutifully continuing his work at a record pace, almost as if in a dream, as the bookkeepers slowly and meticulously toiled whilst speaking of the blessed day ahead. "There!" said Scrooge with hushed determination. "Out there upon that stoop sits the key to our relief! An idiot he may be, but in mind, he's as old and wise as we shall be in 10 years. You were wise, Jacob, to bring him on as you did. I see this now and I apologize for ever doubting you." "Dear Scrooge." reassured Marley. "There was never anything to forgive. I admit I had mild doubts to start with myself. Of course, the boy could easily keep this business in continuation long after we are gone, and I have spoken to him on this subject many times, yet he possesses no desire to take our places. Curious, isn't it?" "Yet," Scrooge quickly countered, "He's precise, quick and rarely questions. As loyal as a dog and with half the intellect. He needs no underlings and requires no other company than our own. Why, he alone could easily handle the numbers and juggle the books for many a year solitarily. Let us keep that which is needed and endeavour to do without the dead weight!" Saying this he took a pen which had, by no deliberation, been left out to dry and dunked it back into it's well with such force, that Marley was almost ceased by the urge to cup his hands around it, less it smash on impact with the nib. "First-rate!" said he with a nod of false wisdom. "Now then, are there any other...'' But his sentence was stifled by another clink of the doorbell. This was followed by a small, meek figure of middle-age, curled, brown hair thinning on top and fattish below. So thin and ragged were his clothes, that it might have almost been appropriate to have him brought up on a charge of indecency. He was so timid and so full of stress, this tenant of one of many houses, the title deeds of which the company held so, that as he approached the front desk, the lesser clerks could only hang their heads and say a silent prayer for his divine protection. "It's Applegate." said Scrooge with an underlying sense of abhorrence. "No doubt seeking to explain his lapse in mortgage payments and obtain another costly delay. Stay put, Jacob. I shall attend to this." The partner gave an understanding nod, as Scrooge rose from his chair slowly, but with intent. Carefully ceasing a simple, yet thick wooden cane from his stand, he opened the door, expressing to the hapless Applegate, in all subtlety, how unwell the older man was met in terms of his lack of payment upon a house he and his family claimed to so cherish. "Please, Mr Scrooge!" begged the tenant with little hope but with quick delivery. "I know you're very angry about this and I didn't mean to fall behind in the payments. Lord knows, it bein' so close to Christmas n' all. Oh, please don't shout at me, sir!" Scrooge didn't shout. On the contrary! He spoke not a word as he began to gently lead Applegate by the scruff of his coat, away from the desk, past the two rows of clerks, past the solemn Cratchit and towards the front door. "That and, of course," continued to desperate Applegate, "Little Gwen. Her lungs aren't right. The Doctor takes his share, don't 'ee? I mean you can yell and scream and, of course, you're right, but it won't do no good! 'Cause I'm the stone you can't squeeze blood from and that's the..." His last word, that being "Truth", was cut short as Scrooge, with a passion, deposited him outside and slammed the door in his face. And yet, this poor man, Applegate, filled as he was with Christmas Spirit, still saw it fit to thank his Landlord and Creditor for not raising his voice to him. Upon marching back towards the Counting Office, said Creditor heard the voice of Cratchit, raised in early but glad Christmas greeting towards the unfortunate debtor. "There's another fellow," muttered Scrooge; upon reentering the hole. "Our clerk, with thirteen shillings a week, a widowed mother and engaged to a girl without a Half Crown to her name, talking about a Merry Christmas. I'll retire to Bedlam." "You are quite still sane, I think." reassured Marley, who now, perhaps from the lateness of the day was, himself, sounding quite tired of these affairs. "Now, as I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted, is there any further business I should be aware of?'' "Indeed there is then." replied Scrooge, retaking his seat. "You are aware, I hope, of the situation regarding the auctioning of the Fezziwig Savings Bank's main warehouse?" "How could I not?" came the answer. "It seems but only yesterday that you and I left our apprenticeship there to start all of this. I was not the least bit surprised to hear of the bank's bankruptcy after Old Fezziwig's death. It was only a matter of time, given his foolish ways." "As I well recall," said Scrooge, "It was you, Jacob, who was quick to point out how reckless Fezziwig's addiction to charity was to us in the long term." "And rightfully so!" cried Marley with great pride. "In truth, I dare say that his soft weak brain and soft heart left more accounts overdue than paid than any other venture in the city! Ruination was a judgment upon him. I am grateful, Ebenezer, that I was able to persuade you to join me in taking our leave from his asylum of future paupers before it was too late." "Be that as it may," Scrooge said with concern. "there currently sits in the East End a barely maintained warehouse going cheap. For the changing of money, it holds no value, but I have come into possession of a great quantity of meat from an abattoir in Essex. With the right refrigeration and storage, we can easily make it of use to us. I've prepared a bid for the Auction already, but with your wise advice in business matters, I believe we can secure the building without fail." During the detailing of his plan, Marley remained seated. Not speaking, but silently nodding and grunting with interested affirmation, as if an emperor on his throne, hearing the light of some lesser aristocrat for he did, after all, quite value what little seniority he held over Scrooge. "I also hear," he said at length, "that you are not the only interested party determined to lay hands on the property." Scrooge slowly gazed up at his friend with slight annoyance, as if he had been dreading this item of conversation since the occasion of the upcoming sale had been brought up. "Are you referring to the big planned by Belle Fezziwig, per-chance?" he inquired slowly. "I do." "What of it?" snapped Scrooge, somewhat defensively. "It matters little to me, I assure you, if you somehow believe I have any consideration left for her." "Of course not." soothed Marley. "I mention it only that it comes to mind just now. No doubt, she intends to revive the old family ways, for women-owned businesses are, I hear, quite fashionable nowadays, provided the woman is unmarried, of course." "She intends," barked Scrooge correctively, "to continue the self-destructive policies of her father. That which has left her without inheritance. Foolish girl! Humbug to her as well! No doubt, she sees the bank as her birthright. Regardless, she must and will be corrected!" "And we shall be the firm hands that do so!" finished Marley with a thump to the table. "Shall we deal with both affairs tonight?" "Here?" "At my own chambers." Marley insisted. "As they are closer to here than your apartment and more well lit than the counting-house. I take it you have an ideal date for the booting of the excess staff?" "The 25th of this month, as it happens." replied Scrooge with hushed finality. Then, in a grotesque bid for humour, he added. ''Owing to the season, shall we send off the severance in Christmas Cards?" A sly and wicked grin crossed Marley's face as this was uttered. "A braver move," said he, mock poetically "was never made on such a "Holy" Season." To this, naturally, Scrooge answered with yet another "Bah!" before following once more with "Humbug." But this he said, not only quietly so as not to be heard, but with a cold, hollow smirk. It was as if, in that instance, the Devil had taken them both in his grip, with little intention of giving either man any form of release. Time passed on. Soon, the spirit of evening herself made her grand but silent entrance with her star drenched, glittering cloak to banish the sun entirely with gentle persuasion and so, with her arrival, came the fog. So thick it was that people ran about with flaring links, proffering their services to go before horses in carriages, and conduct them on their way. The ancient tower of a church, whose gruff old bell was always peeping slily down at the moneylenders out of a Gothic window in the wall, became invisible, and struck the hours and quarters in the clouds, with tremulous vibrations afterwards as if its teeth were chattering in its frozen head up there. The cold became intense. In the main street, at the corner of the court, some labourers were repairing the gas-pipes, and had lighted a great fire in a brazier, round which a party of ragged men and boys were gathered: warming their hands and winking their eyes before the blaze in rapture. The water-plug being left in solitude, its overflowings sullenly congealed, and turned to misanthropic ice. The brightness of the shops where holly sprigs and berries crackled in the lamp heat of the windows, made pale faces ruddy as they passed. Poulterers' and grocers' trades became a splendid joke: a glorious pageant, with which it was next to impossible to believe that such dull principles as bargain and sale had anything to do. The Lord Mayor, in the stronghold of the mighty Mansion House, gave orders to his fifty cooks and butlers to keep Christmas as a Lord Mayor's household should; and even the little tailor, whom he had fined five shillings on the previous Monday for being drunk and bloodthirsty in the streets, stirred up tomorrow's pudding in his garret, while his lean wife and the baby sallied out to buy the beef. All the while, Scrooge and Marley waited with patience for the hour of shutting to make itself known. Soon enough, this hour came and upon the bitter admittance of this from their masters, the unsuspecting Bookkeepers happily relayed the proclamation to their gracious leader. Soon, all was a buzz as the grabbing of coats, hats and canes comenced in earnest, Bob Cratchit, naturally, supervised all as the employees made ready the work of closing up. Bob, seizing his own hat and coat, ever eager to return home to his widowed mother to talk of the day's events and discuss, at great length, the upcoming Christmas season with his beloved Emily, was most eager of all that the job should be done ahead of time. "Your work this week has been somewhat exceptional, Cratchit." Scrooge said unemotionally, approaching the head clerk. "No doubt, I shall have no choice before long but to raise your salary by two shillings." The Clerk smiled. The employer didn't. "No doubt, your standing within the company should be raised also." added Scrooge. "I would hope not to be promoted too soon, sir." The Clerk responded, nervously, praying he did not sound ungrateful. "I might be quick to forget where I came from. Mr. Marley has often stated..." "Mr, Marley and I have discussed this." interrupted Scrooge with deadpan disinterest. "You shall be keeping your current employment with the firm. It's your position itself that will be raised in importance, though I cannot explain the full details to you at this time." The clerk professed that he understood that his master had his reasons for such secrecy, whatever they may be. Needless to say, he was also quick to express his gratitude afterwards, unaware of both Scrooge and Marley's true intentions in the matter. Following this exchange, the two owners left with younger trailing behind older and then, when on the wider streets, side by side, departed without so much as a "Good Night" to their faithful workers. The office was cleared within minutes. All of the lesser clerks gladly wished their head an early Merry Christmas before going on their way to wait ever impatiently for the day to arrive. Some had still a great deal of purchases to enact for both gifts of the heart and feasts of the stomach. Others, wiser and more readily prepared than the younger and more lackadaisical of their workmates, returned home to try for eight days more to resist the temptations of gluttony for the sake of the Saviour's birthday celebrations and instead, pay more the little attentions to the families they had longed for the whole day. Others still, on their way to either of these aforementioned tasks of the heart, found themselves gloriously tricked into being children again either by tempting ice slides, helping with the construction of snowmen, or quickly becoming unsuspecting soldiers in a battle of snowballs. Bob Cratchit himself, did as I have described previously and at once was off like a shot to where he and his dear mother lived in their poor, but warm abode in Camden Town, where he soon made plans for his marriage to his beloved, due the upcoming Spring. Scrooge and Marley took their usual dinner at their usual Inn, whist pouring over the Newspapers, both Financial and Informative. But Scrooge's mind or cares could not have been more removed from either his meal or the goings-on abroad, for his concentration was firmly locked upon the matter of the Fezziwig Warehouse and the Auction, among other matters. I must, therefore, ask you to recall, if you can, that Scrooge had done all in his own power to remove the phantasm of Belle Fezziwig, his former master's eldest daughter and his former fiance from his haunted memory. This, as you may well have discerned from him and Marley's earlier discussion, had failed miserably and Scrooge was no more telling the truth to his partner when he'd stated that Belle's daily life meant nothing to him now than if he had declared that Cheese was a breed of Rhinoceros that dwelled at the Bottom of the Ocean. In truth, it was Scrooge's desperation to escape the memory of his own regret that had been the cause of his shifted behaviour. It had all to do with a comment Belle had made regarding his past self and driven by a dangerous combination of spite and pride to separate said past self from his current state, in much the way as the great outlaws of Sherwood are reported to have been driven by both patriotism and honour to victimize the rich, he now sought to inflict the same humiliation on Belle in the name of less noble ends and intentions. What better way then, than by spiriting away Belle's birthright and make doubly sure that in the eyes of not only her but himself and all others, that he was, after all, quite the irredeemable, underhanded miser. Undoubtedly, it was this surge of ill will that had strengthened his resolve to dismiss his bookkeepers, as while Scrooge had, in the past, been reasonably lenient and, perhaps in his own mind, Kind and even soft-hearted towards them, in spite of the cold attitude he displayed outwardly, their removal from his life would surely alienate himself further from Belle and thus, his own foolish youth. Soon, he would have security of the mind as well as from the bailiff. Yet, even now, Scrooge felt a sense of dread that perhaps, in some way, things were not to work out as he would like. The fog of the evening was darkened more-so by the coming of night. Making their way past begger women and a group of young boys singing carols at them, the two men made their way from the tavern to Marley's dismal chambers. A lowering pile of building up a yard it was, where it had so little business to be, that one could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide-and-seek with other houses, and forgotten the way out again. Despite this, the suite was not as gloomy as one would think it to be, owing to Marley not being as unreasonably thrifty as Scrooge. So, he walked ahead, due to having the only key to both the iron gate which stood like an enormous, black sentry in defence of the dwelling and the house itself, while Scrooge, with vengeful self-reinvention still firmly on his mind, lagged behind in the courtyard. The fog by now was so heavy, that he was forced to grope with his hands to find his way around. No easy feat to be sure, and it was certainly this that caused him to overlook a small stone in the far right-hand side of the yard, which sent him tumbling to the ground and the account books which had been holding and that held therein the rough draft of his plans for the warehouse purchase as well as the blank pages to relay the matters of termination, tumbling through the air before landing in a mound of snow. Upon hearing his friend's cry and fall, Marley looked over with the full intention of helping Ebenezer to his feet. He quickly drew back at once though, upon seeing the near demonic anger upon Scrooge's own face that caused his triangular chin to seem like some sort of triangular dagger of skin and bone. A lesser man might have flown into a violent rage at such an indignity, but Scrooge held strong, suppressed the passionate emotions as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and breathed heavily through his teeth. All the while, his enraged mind thinking up newer and more callous acts on which he would perpetrate upon his customers and it was within the instance where Scrooge was about to strike a pile of snow, imagining it to be the face of Applegate, as he was never one to strike a woman, that the event occurred. Now, it is a fact that Marley's home was located at a fair distance from the nearest railway station. This being at a time where the companies lacked the permission to penetrate through either the West End or The City itself. Locally, the nearest convenience was to be found at Euston a borough away. It is also a fact that, even if this was not the case, no director or Cheif Engineer in existence would be so grasped by lunacy, as to have tracks placed through the streets of the city itself, let alone across a gentleman's courtyard. Let it also be borne in mind that both men were, in most cases, possessed of as much health mentally as you or I, (this I say with the hope that you are as described, as a mind is a woeful thing to lose) and then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that as Scrooge was about to perform assault on the lesser elements, that suddenly and without warning, in a flash of mellow light and seemingly out of the Aether, both he and Marley heard the unmistakable sound of a train passing right by their ears! Scrooge let out a scream, half of panic half of confusion and scrambling away from the clattering and ringing behind him, found both himself and Marley staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed in awe at, as ludicrous as it may sound, a long line of railway carriages in the street outside the yard! To those more enthusiastic about the composition of railways and their traction than this aetherial event, I will describe, with goodwill, these coaches to the best of my ability. They were, in all appearance, of London and North Western origin. 4 wheeled and Standard. Boxy in design and cream painted above with the usual Maroon below. What so set them apart from their brothers and indeed, what made the men so fearful of them was that from their narrow windows, a dismal green light, like that from a bad lobster in a dark cellar, shone through with such intensity that the passengers within, if passengers there were, could not be seen from a distance, or up close. Upon thinking about said occupants, Scrooge's heart quickly skipped a beat in horror. He may have grown cold to man's destitution, but he was not so cruel in conscience as to be unaffected by such a seeming disaster as this! Yet, when he came towards the train, expecting to see the houses on the right side of the street damaged or reduced to rubble, he instead discovered, to his own astonishment, that rather than having demolished the neighbourhood, the train had seemingly melded into it, as if it had been built into the street itself. Not even the dirty gravel road beneath its axels had been the least bit disturbed. Stranger still, this train had been travelling at a pace faster than any had known to history and yet, in spite of this incredible record-breaking feat, the engine that had performed it and was so richly deserving of a royal banner from Her Majesty herself, was not to be found. Indeed, as Marley joined the trembling form of his partner at the open gate, both men looked left and right, but could see nothing but the carriages, stretching on seemingly into infinity. The men gaped at it in terror and wonder. It was as if the world has been turned on its head and all sanity had been, conceptually, abolished. "I-it's Humbug!" stammered the unnerved Scrooge as he closed his eyes and shook his head to try and rid his vision of the apparition of the train. "I-I cannot believe it! We mustn't believe it, Marley! Do you hear me? We mustn't believe!" "But I do..." whispered Marley fearfully shaking his head, eyes wide as if his mind was slowly unwinding into madness. "I must. You can see it also, can you not, Ebenezer? How can we doubt our senses when both faced with this?" "Talk sense, Man!" Cried Scrooge attempting to slam shut the gate and finding, much to his chagrin and fear that by powers far beyond his own, he could not. "This is nothing more than a shared hallucination, most likely brought on by the stress of dealing with our moronic clientele! Perhaps compounded with a disorder of the stomach! This..."train" might be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more of Raisin than of Rail about this, whatever it is!" Marley turned his head to look at Scrooge. His features now chilled, not by avarice, but by horror. He now suspected the train to be some sort of sign that they had not made it to his home alive and that this express had come to ferry them to the rings of perdition. Now, he was grasped with the fear that Scrooge's ill-timed decision to crack a joke had offended whatever force was driving it and that their serviced journey would be nearly as torturous as the destination and therefore, most likely Parliamentary. But how much greater was his horror when, as if blasted by a sudden arctic gale, the iron gate was pushed asunder, sending the men backwards as, without the aid of any visible porter, the middle door of the middlemost carriage swung violently open! This was quickly proceeded by a small, crude block of wooden steps which, held on by latches, fell from the doorway to the street with a dull thud. Unlike the illuminations beyond the windows, the door revealed pitch darkness and nothing else. The first and foremost instinct of both men, as it very well might have been your own, was to attempt to run from this unknown transportation to the safety of the house behind them, though Scrooge showed this less-so than his terrified partner, although his expression had now altered to one of noticeable worry. Yet, as both men stared into the mysterious light of the doorway, a crazed resolve possessed them both. It purged them of fear and of common sense, leaving behind only child-like curiosity in its wake. With their mental barriers and will removed, the men found themselves walking, as if in a trance, out of the yard, across the street and up the wooden stairs towards the blackness of the open doorway. For a brief microcosm of a moment, there was an instance where Marley, who was in front of Scrooge and whose feet were on the top step, regained his senses and might have attempted to jump from the block and run down the street screaming into the mist, had it not been that in that instance, the pure darkness within the corridor was rapidly replaced, in all sides but the centre, by a vortex of pure light that, as if the horn of Gabriel sent to call the faithful and unfaithful up to the final judgement, transcended the boundaries of its domain, leapt upon he who stood with the ferocity of a snake and, with a sharp squeal, dragged him by hideous vacuum into the recesses of the coach! At last, Scrooge's outward courage fell away upon witnessing this nightmarish sight! He screamed out Marley's name in fear and despair and with tears forming in his eyes, he attempted to turn and flee from the railless abomination. All too soon, he found it impossible to do so, as the vortex dragged him, stumbling, up the stairs and through the doorway. In desperation, Scrooge grabbed with his right hand the edge of the door while his left shot towards the handle of its neighbour! There he was, trapped in the iron grip of a force unknown to man, with the familiar world he had so taken for granted out of reach! I cannot begin to tell you what jumbled, bizarre thoughts of confusion went through Scrooge's mind, for in the space of only three seconds, his grip gave way and with a terrifying scream of pure, primal fear, uttered only by the shaking sinner upon his death-bed, Ebenezer Scrooge found himself hurtling through light for but a brief moment, before, in the next, all fell once more to darkness!
2020.09.14 16:04 BjornskaldOnline dating advice that works for anyone and is K.I.S.S. friendly
Hi, take this advice and run with it, confidently. I highly recommend OkCupid, but this can work for any dating app. Make a profile and use up to date photos of yourself, don't make them all be selfies, some should be group photos or adventure photos or places you've visited etc... Make sure the photos represent the current you so you don't fish someone. Make an honest profile, describe details about yourself that a prospective partner might like to know. Create curiousity and interest. Once your profile is solid, then it's about messaging potential matches. Don't just swipe, you have to go through, find someone you're attracted to, read their profile, if they sound boring or not your type but you still find them sexy, maybe you can save them for later, but it's a numbers game, so keep moving through the profiles until you find a GENUINE MATCH, you'll know, you'll be like "I really hope this person responds to me, I hope I say the right thing" and you'll come across people like that, so those are the ones that you want to take some minutes to write an honest message. Convey your interest, make it flirty but not creepy, just show that you're really into them, tell them you're aware they get hit up by a lot of messages and you just really think there could be a good connection between you two, after reading her profile you felt that you'd won the app, or something slightly cheesy to make her laugh or get her interest. All you need is to get her to respond. Then try to get on a phone call immediately "to get to know each other and see if there is any chemistry?" for example This is all NATURAL and easy. That's the beauty of it. There's no game or skill, just be yourself and find some people you really want to get to know better and then try to get their attention respectfully but also without playing games. I'm personally upfront, state blatantly on your profile you're looking for serious relationships only and not hook ups, then serious women will respect that, and hook up types will avoid you. You win. Search for people who are looking for the same thing you're looking for. Or, if you just DTF download Tinder and lower your standards. PS, "K.I.S.S." stands for "keep it simple stupid"
2020.09.14 14:53 HerbsaintLaurentEloping in November and concerned about a second wave. Thought?
I'm marrying my partner of 6 years on Nov. 13th and could not be more excited. Our original plan was to tie the knot at City Hall and then have a dinner party for 60 at our favorite spot on the LES. Since COVID hit, we scrapped that in favor of having it be just the two of us + our officiant and photographer. So four people in total, socially distant and masked. City Hall will likely be closed so we're using Project Cupid and will probably do a super-fast ceremony on the steps of the building. Now, many health experts and news outlets seem to be bracing for an aggressive second wave of COVID in November and it has me concerned that even this will not be possible or too risky. Fiancé is taking the wait and see approach but I'm wondering if we should bump our plans up to October to avoid having our plans disrupted or taking any unnecessary risk. We both had COVID in March and are not interested in getting reinfected or putting anyone else in danger. Any other Nov. couples thinking about this? If not, what would you do in this situation?
2020.09.14 11:50 Orsonius212 years Single. Absolutely no success with online dating for years. No clue what to do.
Obviously a venting post. Where to begin... I'm 31, male, live in Germany and haven't had a gf or any other intimate relationship since I was 19 (back in 2008 roughly june) And the few "relationships" I had lasted no longer than a month. So I am also quite inexperienced. Let's start with online dating. I started online dating roughly around 2013 maybe earlier, when I got ok cupid. At the time it wasn't very popular in Germany and not many people used it, so I wasn't very successful with it. I managed to chat with a few people but that was it. In 2018 I installed Tinder after my psychologist recommended me to do something about my isolation. It was the first step for me in years for finding someone to be with. However after 2 months of swiping with no luck I bought tinder gold out of frustration. While now I saw people who liked me (not very many) and I was able to get some matches, they never lead anywhere. i almost managed to meet up with 2 people but that's how far it got. In 2019 I decided to try out bumble. And while bumble barely got me matches or likes I was able to finally have a match with someone and meet them. After my first date in 10 years we never spoke again. With corona lockdown online dating came to an end. until 2 weeks ago where I started to swipe again. I deleted my accounts and made some new. Posted a few new pictures of myself and got swiping. On ok cupid I regularly message those who I was most drawn to (it allows for 1 message when you like someone) On tinder I have a few likes (maybe 7 or 8 but no matches so far and not willing to pay 30 bucks again to see who liked me) and on bumble absolutely nothing. No one messages me back on ok cupid and the other 2 don't lead to any matches, even though I swipe every day (selectively) until I can no longer. I'm looking for women between 25-32, I tried 23 but I think they probably aren't interested that much in someone as old as me, and older women probably too. I don't look for hookups but something serious. I don't do ONS or sex only relationships, quite the opposite. Now about real life dating. When I was younger I used to go out, go to bars, clubs, concerts, parties. Everything. Not once have I met someone this way who I either became friends with or who became a romantic partner of mine. Not even making out or anything. I managed to talk to people at social gatherings but that's it. All my friends I met either through school, the internet or through other friends. So the "go to bars and meet people there" strategy never worked for me. And it's not like I don't like to talk. I do, it's just that no one ever had any interest in me. For a couple of years however I am dealing with either social anxiety/agoraphobia which makes it very difficult for me to go out. I lost all my friends I had (not just because of that but partially because of it) and live mostly isolated. When I am surrounded by too many people I get panic attacks or at the very least a bad mood caused by too much stress. Another issue I have is that I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. Most people I see online on dating sites have photos of them drinking alcohol, smoking or talking about 420friendliness. It's not like I never did those things but, I don't like alcohol or being drunk (I am horrible when drunk and can't control myself so I don't drink, I also don't like the taste) which at least according to ok cupid is a negative, to not drink. Smoking was always something I kinda looked down on, but 50% of women in Germany smoke, and while I could tolerate it, it certainly is a negative. I used to smoke weed but thanks to my regular panic attacks I no longer can, so I don't. Sports don't interest me, but it seems that pretty much everyone does some kind of sport (women apparently love climbing, I would never do that because I'm afraid of heights) So that also makes it hard to meet people or even find something I have in common with them, and admitting to people that I don't do sports (which I have done when matches asked me what kind of sports I do) leads to an instant unmatching. Outside of that I have dysthymia (formerly known as persistent depressive disorder, or "high" functioning depression) with an ever-increasing anhedonia (lack of pleasure from things you used to enjoy) and only few things in life bring me joy or interest me. I would argue that one compounding factor in my depression is the lack of any intimate relationship and the extremely low self esteem I have from both the permanent reminder that I am undesirable but also my bad experiences as a child, teenager and later adult. Using dating apps makes me also even more depressed. I'm not at least 6 feet tall which for some reason is bad, I don't like to party and get drunk, which again seems to be something negative. And of course I don't seem to be very attractive because sites like tinder mostly go for attractiveness as opposed to personality or hobbies. So what do I actually enjoy or do most of the time? Well I work. and then I also do music (I play guitar in a still unnamed band, we are working on material). Outside of that I like to learn new things about psychology, philosophy and I enjoy watching anime (something i don't openly admit on dating sites because it's not very popular). I used to like playing video games but my anhedonia basically killed that interest. Music is pretty much the only thing that is a more mainstream interest I have, though my taste in music is pretty unpopular especially given that most women seem to enjoy EDM/Techno/House or Rap/Hop Hop which I don't like. One last thing: I don't like sex. I am still not sure why that is, maybe I am asexual(or something akin to it) or I have a psychological issue which killed my interest in sex but not liking sex is also a major hindrance in finding someone. I try to keep it hidden so it can't be the reason people don't match with me. Okay before I just go on ranting forever I stop here. TLDR 31 male no matches on dating sites, have panic attacks so can't really go outside, but even when I did lead to nothing, don't drink or do drugs, don't like typical interests like sports, dancing/parties or bars suffer from dysthymia/anhedonia, lack of experience in both sex and relationships
2020.09.14 01:39 TheHolistA Fundamental Deep Shift - Personal Progress
As a result of reading almost half of "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow", I noticed a huge shift to where I am now completely and utterly on board as a retainer. I think this is a spiritual calling. I've been developing myself and my spirituality as my primary life focus for the past 4 years and I've worked my way up to this point, having previously read "Bliss of the Celibate" and "Autobiography of a Yogi." I have actually been meeting women in my life that are capable of karezza as described in "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow". I've been fortunate enough to meet people who would genuinely be interested in this type of knowledge / lifestyle. Everything seems to be falling into place. While I am single, I believe the woman meant to be my partner will be compatible and we'll follow the recommendations in "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow". I am currently on day 55 of retention, with one wet dream. Otherwise it's been a perfect streak. It's like a light bulb went on. I have zero interest in masturbation or porn. I've even noticed if I touch my area, it's pretty much not pleasurable at all. I think even the consciousness of my body understands the mission I'm on. All of my sexual energy is going to my higher goals. I spend my time:
working at a very intense job, that is spiritual in nature
managing my own energy, consciously cooling off after the work day
doing gentle, flexibility-based yoga
learning guitar, practicing various instruments, recording (my passion)
beginning to learn the arts of communication, charisma, talking with people
developing the lifestyle foundation of my current home and life situation
beginning steps of my business
dynamically, successfully healing past trauma and related issues
girlfriend, basing our relationship off of recommendations in "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow"
establishing my own business
life upgrades, housing, car, etc.
~ A few years ago, I managed a personal record of 300 days nofap. But I am so much more developed now, as a person. And so my goal is to transcend that. During that old record, I had been a frequent masturbator and porn watcher. It was EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to make it to 300 days. I'm such a changed person now that I suspect it will be natural to surpass 300 days. Looking forward to it. I do feel so much better about myself. Wasting semen seems to be negative on a spiritual level, and so I enjoy the immense peace of mind to be aligned to this degree.
A six-year relationship that was expected to end with a big fat Indian wedding this year, the groom leading the baraat on an elephant, has ended. And they are both devastated," a close friend of Sushant Singh Rajput and Ankita Lokhande informed Mirror, insisting that even though the estranged couple has fought bitterly and reconciled many times, this time they are determined to go their separate ways. The 30-year-old actor takes off with Kriti Sanon for a two-month schedule of Dinesh Vijan's directorial debut, Raabta, to Bucharest and Croatia today. Ankita will continue living in their Pali Hill penthouse, the Rs 20 crore love nest they'd moved into last year, till she figures out what she wants to do now that Sushant is out of her life. "He has been urging her since last year to get back to work. She's a natural actress and dancer and he wasn't happy that she'd quit on her passion to make him the focal point of her existence. It wasn't to earn money, he was capable of supporting both of them in style, but because he knew that her self-worth two years from now would be moulded by what she was doing today,"reasons the friend. After the break-up Ankita has been talking about picking up the reins of her career. Buzz is, the long shoot away from home was the reason for the split. But the friend insists that's not true. He reveals that even without her asking, Sushant had given her the details of his schedule, inviting her to visit him on location, whenever and wherever. He also dismisses rumours that a selfie with Parineeti Chopra which the actor shared on Instagram was the bone of contention. The Shuddh Desi Romance co-stars had run into each other after two years of silence at Vijan's office. And this had not gone down well with his 31-year-old live-in partner who had not cared for them locking lips ever so often in the film and is believed to have slapped Sushant in full view in a studio canteen. The friend rubbishes this story saying Ankita was not affected or threatened by Parineeti or any other woman. "She knew he was not cheating on her. In fact, a few days ago, when Sushant went to Cape Town for three days for a shoot with two girls, he surprised her by asking her to accompany him. She was the only woman in his life for six years, He was happy if she was happy and vice versa," he asserts. But the couple who met on the sets of Ekta Kapoor's tele drama, Pavitra Rishta, and moved from heated arguments and cold silences to a melting of hearts, with Cupid striking Sushant first and then Ankita, had not been happy for some time. The reason was that no matter how hard he tried, she was plainly insecure in the relationship, afraid that it wouldn't work out. The friend points out that Sushant did his best to reassure her. He even went down on his knees and proposed on national TV when they were competing in the dance reality show Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa in 2011. In 2014, he whisked her off to Dubai to bring in the New Year and last year, got them their dream house. "He was always transparent about his feelings and Ankita knew that he loved her. But she had been through some bad experiences and that made her fidgety," says the friend, adding that 2015 was a good year for the couple because he wasn't working, only prepping up for the Dhoni biopic and the Shekhar Kapur's Paani. "But the minute he wasn't around, she would start calling or texting." Initially, Sushant was patient with her. He'd sit her down and talk it out, pointing out that he couldn't be around her all the time. Ankita would make an attempt to understand but eventually, the familiar fears would be back. "She admitted that she couldn't control them and after a while, he started reacting differently, not wanting to justify and repeat himself every day. He even told her that while he'd never flirt or date another woman, theirs was an open relationship and he would never question her on her whereabouts. But even that couldn't cement a bond that was slowly breaking. He couldn't convince her that nothing would go wrong," sighs the friend. Eventually, Sushant who in his early days had had his share of heartbreaks and consoled himself with the simple reasoning that if a girl was dating another she did not want to be with him, had to admit defeat as far as his lady love was concerned. The growing distance between them was apparent when after turning up hand-in-hand at the Filmfare pre-Award gala, Sushant started making solo appearances and Ankita didn't show up at his birthday bash. "For him she was his girl and he liked holding her hand on the red carpet knowing it made her feel special. But despite his attention and her best intentions, Ankita admitted she wasn't happy. It broke her heart, and his too, but there's little they could do about it. If you are claustrophobic, you will always feel uneasy in an aircraft no matter how much you pep yourself up," the friend reasons. Would things have been different if Sushant had not been in show business? Maybe become the engineer he had been studying to be before the acting bug bit him? "Even if he was doing a 9-5 job, he would have had to go out to make a living and that was where it all disintegrated, The marriages and relationships breaking around them made her even more insecure," says the friend. So, how is he taking the break-up? "He is as heartbroken as he was when his mother died 10 years ago. But he tells himself that if he could be happy after his mother left, there's hope for him. For now it's going to be only work," signs off the friend. http://www.mumbaimirror.com/entertainment/bollywood/He-couldnt-convince-her-nothing-would-go-wrong/articleshow/51550691.cms -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2016 has claimed another Bollywood couple. Sushant Singh Rajput and Ankita Lokhande are not a couple anymore. They have gone separate ways and although the two have maintained silence on the reason behind their fallout, there have been a lot of speculations doing the rounds. After it was rumoured that Sushant's closeness to Parineeti Chopra was a major concern, it turns out that it was Ankita's 'insecurities' that cost them their relationship. Not just that, fresh reports also claim that Ankita's chronic alcohol addiction too added to the couple's problems. Sushant lost his patience after repeatedly asking Ankita to stop boozing. But the TV actress likes her glass of alcohol a lot and has not been able to stay away from it. Sushant too quit smoking sometime back but Ankita could not give up on her addiction and now that seems to have strained their affair. So much that the two have now decided to stay apart from each other. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ankita Lokhande insists that rumours of their break-up are completely baseless I don't know why every one's speculating about our six-year relationship has ended and that we are no longer together. It's unnecessary and uncalled for. I am there with him as always, I love Sushant Singh Rajput unconditionally.These rumours are completely baseless and in bad taste," Ankita Lokhande told Mirror, pointing out that she's been accompanying the actor to most social galas, with the exception of a recent Holi party, and that is because she has fractured her foot. This puts a completely new spin to what has been reported about the couple's personal life over the last few days. The 31-year-old actress informed that she spoke to Sushant, who is filming Dinesh Vijan's directorial Raabta in Bucharest, yesterday and her beau was as shocked as her by all that is being written about them in the media. One of the things that has really baffled her is talk about how she was insecure in the relationship and would get upset every time he stepped out of home. Ankita admits that she is "thoda possessive" about her partner but reasons that this is understandable about anyone you love dearly. But, she insists, that she was never threatened by his reported closeness to his Shuddh Desi Romance co-star Parineeti Chopra or Kriti Sanon, with whom he will be shooting for Raabta over the next two months. Refuting rumours of her slapping him in public over him frequently locking lips with Parineeti on screen, she retorts, "Such rumours hurt since I have always admired and respected Sushant for his loyalty and commitment. He has never played games with me. He has always been a one-woman man and I love my man." She agrees that like any other relationship they have had their fights, but as far as she is concerned, till Sushant tells her himself, there never will be a 'split'. She has even left it to him to clarify all the reasons being attributed to their 'break-up'. It's only on the subject of her career that Ankita maintains that she never quit on it but was only on a break from TV so she could make a comeback with a completely new look in a film. "I've been in talks for some projects for the last sixseven months and there could be something coming up soon," she promises, adding that this could be one reason she may not take Sushant up on his invitation to visit him on location. "I have never visited him on his sets; I only went with him to Cape Town because I hadn't been to South Africa before.But this time I will be really busy over the next couple of months with my own professional projects to drop in on him." Does this mean that the big fat Indian wedding that he has been prepping up for is still scheduled for the year end? She laughs, "You'll definitely get invited to my wedding. As of now, all I can say is that anything that happens between us is our business alone. I can only assert that I love Sushant unconditionally and he, more than anyone else, knows it." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The much-talked about breakup between Sushant Singh and Ankita Lokhande takes a curious turn with Ankita claiming she still loves him and the marriage could still be on. Meanwhile, last week people were bumping into Sushant at the JW Marriott Hotel in Juhu where he was staying. Why was he living out of a hotel if all is hunky dory between the couple? Our khabru reveals the actor moved out of the house because it's registered in her name, "The Bandra apartment that Sushant and Ankita lived in, belongs to her. She asked him to move out. Sushant had no choice, but to do so. Hence he moved far away from Ankita's radius to Juhu." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ankita Was Constantly Fighting With Sushant," Reveals A Friend
Mar 28, 2016 Subhash K Jha t now comes to light that the trouble in Sushant Singh Rajput's relationship with his girlfriend of seven years Ankita Lokhande had been building up for some time now. The problem, says a source in the know, was Ankita's domineering ways. "She was constantly bullying him, trying to keep tabs on him. Earlier before he became a film star, Sushant was all right with her domineering ways. He allowed Ankita to rule his life because he comes from a family of women. He was the only son among many sisters. So he was used to being bossed around by women. When Sushant moved in the Ankita the domineering attitude got worse. She was constantly reprimanding scolding and correcting him," says a source. Sushant was still at peace with Ankita's ways. But then it got worse,much worse. "She began to have showdowns with him in public, causing a great deal of embarrassment for Sushant.There would be constant questioning, counter-questioning, suspicion, distrust and negativity, some of it in public," says a source. Common friends of the couple were witness to these public showdowns of the couple when after a few drinks down, Ankita would loudly confront Sushant. "The public showdowns became louder and much more frequent in recent times. Parting is the best thing Sushant and Ankita could do for one another," says a source.
2020.09.13 15:36 traphtrahulWould love to hear your opinions on hard filters and your critique on my suggestions
Dear Redditors, Greetings! I started online dating a few months back as I turned 24 (I know I’m late) and finally settled on OkCupid as my only dating platform. My intent to date is motivated by my desire to find a like-minded partner who I’d eventually marry as, personally, I find hookups and flings rather tasteless After a few days of using this, I paid for the A-List Premium annual pack as I thought it was a small price to find someone who I’d be spending my life with. However, there a couple of issues that often bug me and some additional suggestions • The lack of hard filters. For instance, as someone who doesn’t smoke and sleep around, I’d want similar traits in a partner. Even after specifying the same in preferences, 70% of the profiles I come across smoke and are looking for hookups. A hard filter would save so much time and trouble, even if it came exclusively with premium. eHarmony is pretty amazing in implementing hard filters • Assuming the people behind OkCupid are present on this subreddit. I’d would like to put forward a few suggestions ~ Using symbols for smoking, alcohol, kids or kid preference as an overlay on the edge of the profile picture would be efficient. For instance, 🚭 for non-smoker. It’d save time as one wouldn’t need to go through the profile if one or more of these symbols happened to be a turn off for a certain user. But if hard filters are implemented, these are not required anyway ~ Wouldn’t it be insightful if there was a parameter for selectivity as, of the profiles swiped, what percent were swiped left by the user. It would tell how selective a certain user is. For example, as a premium member I can swipe right on any number of profiles and get more than a dozen matches but if my profile showed that my selectivity was 0-5%, it might be a red flag for certain users Thank you for hearing me out and apologies for my rant. I would love to hear your thoughts or criticisms on my above composition. After all, Reddit is one of the few places where I can enjoy intelligent discussions. Cheers!
2020.09.13 01:13 bicozdenightMy journey to non monogamy
I've (M41) been a reader of this sub for 8 or 9 months now, I started at a time when I was looking for answers, a few months after a breakup that hurt me hard. Today I'd like to thank everyone here by sharing my story. Through your experiences, I've been able to navigate my thoughts and find a path to what looks right for me. A little more than a year ago, my now ex partner (F37) broke up with me. 9 years, 1 kid, wonderful moments, multiple struggles, and finally she fell out of love. We started this relationship by stating we would be able to be monogamish, it's ok to flirt with others, but don't ask don't tell. I struggled with this, using this "pass" a few times, but feeling bad about it. I could never communicate with her that it wasn't for me, there was something missing. Being raised with the happy monogamous family as a principle, with no example of ENM around me, not even knowing it was a thing, I just shut up and kept it in me, to finally be unhappy without really knowing why and what to do. One day she asked if I had seen other women, she didn't like what she heard, it was the beginning of the end, 18 months before she finally left me. The fall was hard. I had lost my family, my right to love her, everything. I couldn't see it at the time, but it was my opportunity to explore what I really wanted. After many months of grieving and anger, I decided to go to therapy, to help me moving on for good, without anger and resentment for anything. It was my battle. I had already started reading about ENM, relationships, and wanted to explore that too in therapy. I also decided to talk about it with potential new partners, even if they were FWB or just first dates. It was interesting to see how these women felt about it. Some were curious, others decided it was not for them but understood, others were less receptive and actually judgmental. It helped to shape my way of talking about it, defining each time a bit more what I wanted and what felt right for me. Then coronavirus hit. With its long lockdown that ended all opportunities to date. It has actually been a good occasion to define exactly what I wanted. I was ready to find my primary partner, that will agree that love and sex are amazing together, but are also 2 completely separate things. Communication, radical transparency, would be the pillars of my future relationships. When the lockdown was finally lifted, dating started again. I met a nice woman, with whom we hit it off quite instantly, but we knew it would stay casual. Then a few weeks later, via OkCupid, I met a wonderful woman who is now my partner (F32). For both of us, ENM is new, but after multiple monogamous relationships that felt wrong for us, we both know that what we are building now is the kind of relationship that works for us. It is the first time I can talk so openly, express all my feelings, the sentiment is almost scary but also thrilling and liberating. It's been less than 2 months, we both know we have a lot of unknown areas to explore, but I'm excited to explore them with her. As for the ENM aspect of the relationship, we agreed that we could keep seeing our respective FWBs. I have a bi-weekly play date with my other partner (F30), she plays with hers (M) when I look after my daughter. We have set our rules and boundaries, we constantly talk about them and check on each other. It just feels great. Dear ENM sub, thanks again for existing, and I hope this post will also inspire readers that are currently experiencing where I was a year ago. Take care everyone!
2020.09.12 12:09 ZelowrathArena Discord Community for Shadowlands
Description Hi friends, if you’ve seen me in lfg lately you know my story. I told myself that as soon as I get glad I’d make a community to give back to the pvp community. Now that I’ve got it (first time glad Ret paladin baby) and that season is almost over I’m using the rest of my time making this discord community with my btag friends I met during the 2 years playing WoW. Only Rule You can see this as a filtered lfg community. Where our first rule is to not tolerate toxicity in the community. Doesn’t matter if you’re a current r1 or a new player, you’re not welcome in this community if you’re toxic to others around you. This is a game, and it needs to be fun. Respect other fellow players. Criteria This is for anyone really. If you’re tired of the lfg desert and would like to find arena partners easier this is where you can find similar exp players. As the community player poll increase it would be easy to find likeminded friends. Or if you’re just starting wow and would love to learn or get into arenas I or other mods would love to give you any advice or pointers to help you be a better arena player. No matter what your goal is, this community will do its best to make a better arena experience for you. This is an mmorpg after all. Back Story I started playing WoW in late legion season 7. I stepped foot into arenas because I liked the legion season 1 elite set and so I asked a friend who did arenas to help me get it. After reaching 2k last week of the expansion, I realize that I can only get the season 7 elite set which was meh. I was really into wpvp (being from emerald dream) but after wpvp was gutted from warmode I turn my attention into fully playing arenas and I’ve got into it ever since. I lfg most of the time and even play the game on and off. Was thinking about switching mains in shadowlands but I felt like owing my Ret paladin a glad title. A title I always thought it was impossible to get for me. I put my head down, stopped caring about rating and pushed my way up the bracket. Grinder my wins playing Ret destro and Cupid while doing no voice lfg. Why I’m doing this All though there are lots of great players with right mindsets in lfg, the function is still limited. It’s hard to find players going through lfg let alone consistent partners which helps to get better. I struggle finding partners because no one wants to q with a Ret paladin. I’m sure lots of people out there experience the same issue out there. Making this community is a way for me to help the pvp community to produce more up and coming players like me and to reduce the toxicity within the game. If you’re interested https://discord.gg/4VRbws3 You can whisper me @Zelo or another Mod @Clever for any questions. See you there soon! :)
2020.09.12 06:55 astroshubhamji+91-9888520774 How to Convince Your Parents for Love Marriage -black magic mantra in Hindi
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2020.09.11 17:38 IndieheadsAOTYAlbum of the Year 2014 #11: Christine and the Queens - Chaleur humaine
Hello everyone and welcome back yet again to Album of the Year 2014, the daily write-up series where the users of indieheads talk about their favorite albums of 2014. Up today, kappyko, the founder of our sister sub, popheads, comes to us to talk Christine and the Queens debut album, Chaleur humaine. June 2nd, 2014 - Because Listen: Spotify Apple Music YouTube Background Christine and the Queens is the project of Héloïse Letissier. Brought up by an English professor and a French teacher, Letissier’s upbringing was marred by self-image issues relating to queerness and misogyny. Expelled from school for staging a play without permission, she began writing plays about a liberated personification of her anger named Christine. After a partner broke up with her after transitioning, she went to London and met drag queens who had uplifted her - from them, she took the “Queens” part of her stage name. After being inspired to write from this experience, she began making songs on GarageBand and slowly built notoriety before being signed to Because Music. Chaleur humaine was released in 2014 to critical acclaim. Multiple singles from the album - “Saint Claude,” “Christine,” and “Paradis Perdus” - became hits on the French charts, with the first two going top 5. Christine and the Queens would later reissue Chaleur humaine internationally as Christine and the Queens, with English versions of several songs as well as new songs with Tunji Ige and Perfume Genius. A performance of “Tilted” (the English version of “Christine”) on Later... with Jools Holland boosted her profile in the United Kingdom, causing “Tilted” to chart in the top 20 of the UK charts. Review bykappyko Sometimes I feel like poptimism was a ruse. Don’t get me wrong: I love pop music. I created a subreddit for it, I’ve spent years of my life trying to foster a community full of intelligent and varied people who love it, and the bulk of my taste has been altered forever by an inclination towards that which is intriguing and yet accessible. Yet for me to talk about pop music nowadays feels like a battle with a system that will always win. In 2020, I’m unnerved about how much I’m concerned that the music I love is being marketed specifically to me: is everything I write, think, feel doomed to be me doing the work of higher-ups? I almost didn’t cover Chaleur humaine because of qualms sourced from this ever-present pop-paranoia. After all, an album with multiple charting singles in France and a crossover hit in the United Kingdom is surely a tad awkward to cover under the indie umbrella, even in spite of her presence on an independent label. Would this write-up take up the space of a more deserving, lesser known record? This probably goes to show that I find the lesser-knowns of the mainstream music industry far more fascinating than most established “indie classics.” All music deserves sincere contemplation — a sentiment that likely rings hollow in the face of PR and payola and playlisting, yet endures in spite of this because at the core of it music is still a human endeavor and one that people take genuine inspiration from. Christine and the Queens’ Chaleur humaine crossed over for a moment in time into relevance, but its success seems to be an anomaly considering that the rest of her work has not met the commercial heights of her debut. (Of course, the music itself remained just as good.) Once “the future of pop,” Chaleur humaine is now instead a reminder of what pop still has yet to be: a reminder of Kanye West’s once-fascinating propensity for maximalism; an early indicator of Lorde’s impact on the decade’s minimalistic, vulnerable turn. Given that Christine’s artistry is often extra-musical, it’s worth mentioning that the brilliant videos 123 and performances show her work reaching its fullest potential. Without the gorgeous visual accompaniment Chaleur humaine is still dense with the kind of singular, consistently thrilling content one can’t find anywhere else but a pop artist. And yet even then Christine does more. Self-produced and self-written bar a composition that’s still brilliantly structured in its own right, her work delights in comparisons to The Greats: Janet Jackson and Stevie Wonder’s self-produced, cohesive social statements; the intense androgynous images of David Bowie; the performance qualities of the often-compared Michael Jackson. Despite the references, Chaleur humaine is seemingly determined to remark upon its own singularity, to insist on a spot in the pop canon. Chaleur humaine is 11 songs imbued with the titular human warmth, calling into question identity and sensuality and observing it almost as an outsider. It is fundamentally queer, explicitly referencing struggles with gender identity and sexuality that Christine would only expand upon in later records. Some may be concerned about the pop polish that permeates an album so concerned with the notion of queer identity, erasing the transgressions of the underground that influences Christine and replacing them with friendlier statements much like Madonna’s “Vogue.” Yet the format does not compromise Christine’s personal struggles of gender identity, and she beckons towards listeners to join her in a joyfully utopian space of introspection. While other entries in queer pop tend towards the sentimental, communal spaces of dancefloors, Chaleur humaine feels stuck in the cerebral – a pure attempt at dissecting herself for all to hear. Not many pop records sound quite as beautiful or intricate as Chaleur humaine, to the point where it’s very easy to fall in love with the songs themselves without ever having to read a single translation. And perhaps it’s to Christine’s benefit that she’s found such an audience in the Anglosphere: it’s much easier to project meaning onto words one doesn’t understand at all. Thanks to the rich chamber production provided by Letissier herself and her knack for writing quirky melodies, the music itself speaks to those for whom the text cannot be understood. Unlike the sheer revivalism of other synthpop acts that rely on excessive gated drums and obvious electronics, the production on Chaleur humaine is intricate, precise, and uniquely orchestrated. The Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis influences that would later completely infiltrate her music starting with Chris exist only in undertones here, instead overshadowed by the prominence of lush strings, pianos, and synths. Often Christine’s production gives the songs greater depth: the oddball space synths of “Science Fiction,” the incessant gurgles underneath the tribal beat of “Ugly-Pretty,” the Passion Pit-esque reverse synthesizers in “Nuit 17 à 52.” Written bassline first, the balladry throughout Chaleur humaine is still ultimately made from a mindset of danceability that avoids the drab tropes of lesser artists. “iT” is one of the album’s immediate highlights for demonstrating her writing abilities at their most adept. It also happens to demonstrate that Christine’s writing is often really fucking difficult to decipher on a line-by-line basis, but in spite of this the sentiment is obvious. Christine’s writing borders on poetry, less concerned with directness and more what emotions she can glean from the language she uses. She says herself that “language itself can be a tool, or something to oppress you. If you change the gender of a word, suddenly it's weird. Or if you say, constantly on stage, 'I'm a man' - being a young girl, and a tiny one - it creates something interesting.” This obsession with language recalls that of Scritti Politti’s “The Word Girl,” a track on an album quite like Chaleur humaine in its level of pop-forward artistry and dense lyricism. If Green Gartside identifies the usage of the word “girl” in pop music as a means of manipulating the identity of women, perhaps Christine would believe that claiming manhood for herself removes herself from the projections often placed upon the notion of the pop star. She says herself in an interview that girls are “trapped in hypocritical injunctions: Be pretty but not too pretty. Be sexy but not slutty. Be polite but not boring.” Through determination she asserts her identity on her own terms: “I won’t let you steal it, I bought it for myself.” And an earlier lyric stuns in its poignance: “I rule / Over all my dead impersonations.” “Half Ladies,” located later in the record, continues the arc of exploring the complexity of Christine’s gender identity. The song relies on a central sonic anxiety to relay an account of body dysmorphia, alternating between lullaby-esque tones and a sort of deconstructed funk hook while never quite settling on either. Anxious self-presentation (“Cheveux en arrière / Col boutonné haut / C'est moins pour l'allure / Que pour cacher l'éraflure”) and a question presented in the masculine (“Suis-je laid ou beau ?”) lead into the track’s most incisive line: “le corps rien à faire / Immobile fléau.” When so many ostensibly empowering pop anthems seem to, accidentally or intentionally, slip into gender essentialism, it’s nice to hear a pop song like this oppose that thought process entirely. “Laissez passer toutes les Half-Ladies” is the entirety of the hook, and yet even without having any knowledge of French the subtext of the song is immediate with just the title and the brilliant arrangements on display. Christine's fascination with language is explained further in a Genius annotation for the album's title track:
I really like working with the non- prefix: non-beauty, non-love, non-desire. It is a process that I encountered for the first time while reading poetry. It is both a negation of the word and its development: the term is contradicted, but it does not disappear. It creates a new, ambivalent meaning, which I really like, especially about beauty - which is a terrible, relative, irreducibly mysterious concept for me: to be beautiful for whom?
So “Chaleur humaine” is about “non-beauty” - an unromanticized portrayal of one’s sexual coming-of-age - a thankful subversion of the romanticized “very first time” in pop music! Even fellow queer pop artist Troye Sivan got this wrong, sort of. Selling a romantic idea of virginity in general is a shallow, shitty part of pop culture; selling that to queer kids ignores harsh reality in favor of anticipatory fantasies. “Chaleur humaine” is dense, unmoving, and very unlike the kinetics that infiltrate even the sadder ballads of the rest of the album. The synthesizers seem to echo a dirge, a slight lament for the loss of innocence yet at the same time becoming an all-encompassing representation of the titular human warmth. Christine does not suggest pleasure or fun, but still understands sensuality as a comforting, moving thing in its own right. Other songs on the record explore an isolationist view of interpersonal relationships and intimacy; take, for example, “Saint Claude.” Led by glitch drums and light piano, Christine’s vocals are hushed and rhythmically off, as she sees a person in public and begins projecting a fantastical savior upon them, a reprieve from the mundanities of urban life. If the verses are internal monologue, the hook is spoken reality: “here’s my station,” a suggestion of a non-specific something to happen that never materializes. “We are so lonely in this part of town” is a bid for intimacy, yet to call “Saint Claude” a crush song would suggest too much. There are possibilities in this song-world, yet the knowledge that none of them will come to fruition is taken as fact. Lighthearted escapism can only be taken so far before being overcome by the overwhelming dread of loneliness: “pour que l’orage s’annonce.” Likewise, pop star utopias can only extend so far before giving way to reality. The changing identities and characters of Christine are still firmly human, and relatable in a manner that refuses to condescend or feign modesty. In spite of the daunting loneliness that permeates several of the album’s songs - whether the quasi-mashup of “Paradis Perdus,” the looming tropical pop of “Narcissus Is Back,” or the haunting groove of “Here” - Chaleur humaine still relies on providing a safe space for its listeners. Her songwriting does not rely on the investment in personality that pop’s biggest stars rely on; instead, the ambiguity of her lyrics allows for listeners to project themselves in the spaces she inhabits. The album’s most popular song, “Christine” / “Tilted,” embodies this notion, focusing on feelings of alienation from society and being able to appreciate oneself in spite of this. Pop aesthetics, according to Christine, are about “being generous with something that could weigh you down” - “Christine” offers sanctuary for all who need a place to belong. I initially set out to write on the album and ended up writing on several songs in depth. Yet to me writing on albums simply seems like a less natural endeavor than writing on songs. After all, Chaleur humaine is still a pop album, and thus it’d be doing it a disservice to speak of it in terms of a generalized album statement when its songs are as self-contained as they are. Christine and the Queens is the embodiment of what a pop star should be in the 21st century, and Chaleur humaine is a remarkable feat that should be acknowledged beyond any PR or commercial success. Talking Points
How do you deal with language barriers when it comes to the music you listen to?
What other music do you listen to that meaningfully deals with gender identity or queerness?
What is poptimism?
Is pop music inextricable from its commercial roots?
Thank you to u/kappyko for their excellent write-up! Up tomorrow, u/PinkertonRams makes their case for Weezer's 2014 return Everything Will Be Alright In The End. In the meantime, discuss today's album in the comments below where the entire schedule along with a link to every write-up so far will be posted.
2020.09.10 17:33 KennyOmegaXManI'm a [31M] who's never had any romantic relationship in my entire life. What can I do to change that?
I happen to be a 31-year-old man who's never had any romantic relationship in my entire life I recently turned 31 this September. At times I feel hopeless that I will ever have a relationship with a woman, and fantasize about how it would be. And getting older doesn't help as I fear that I would be more ostracized the older I get without any history of a relationship. Here's some back story about my personal self: I'm from Massachusetts and lived here all my life near the Rhode Island border. I guess I'm labeled a nerd because that what I've been called since I grew up with video games and nerd culture. I do go to conventions like PAX East and Comic-Con here. I went alone for the first time ever in recent years and cosplayed fully as a video game character Snake from Metal Gear. And it was a different experience. So I'm not afraid of trying things as I have aged as I would have never gone alone up to Boston to an event like that prior with anxieties I have faced. I don't talk with people openly about this and keep it to myself so I have to get it out. So this may be a lot to read and I understand that. I'm also a smaller person in stature with being skinny growing up so I was teased by family about that. So I did join the gym in 2018 at my school but was never so serious about it. And didn't have much help to learn things and need that reassurance I'm doing it right. And recently I signed up for an actual gym and will be using a trainer. Back in my childhood, I was always the "quiet" one. Not by choice. I was always assigned that title so I kept quiet. I still get called that and not sure why as this is the way I am. I'm not sure if it could have been to the way I was raised as I didn't go out really and my parents weren't so good and abusive. My dad was physically abusive to my mom and brother, as his dad was brutal to him in Portugal. So I was always nervous and still am to an extent. My mom has an addiction issue with gambling and really messed up my path as she would steal the money I worked for to fund her habits for many years. So I am set back compared to others my age but finally reaching my success with my career only starting last year in the IT field. But either way, my parents made me insecure about my feelings and I always kept to myself with fears of being judged and they were in control of my life up until my 20s. I don't talk with them really at this point as it's hard to put past what they have caused me to be stuck. I didn't get help for any of this until 2016 as I did a post on Reddit for help and therapy was recommended. I've come so far with going back to school, driving on highways, and so many smaller things that affected me not being able to do. I've even brought in my own mother to therapy but she still never fully apologized and even denied any wrongdoing she did. But I'm fine that I just want my personal life to flourish. I've been with female therapists since then for a total of two different ones. I had to leave my first for insurance issues after going for a year. The other I decided to switch as I was going to her since 2017 up until early this year and felt no progress was made with my issue with never having a relationship. And it is more of a male issue that I am a man looking for a woman. So a different experience and mostly better to have a male therapist's point of view for this. I know very few people personally as I only hang out with close cousins. Most of the others I only talk online with but never had friends I went out with regularly since they don't seem to do anything. So I never went out much and I don't drink alcohol or smoke weed. So it's tough knowing where to find anyone in these current times but it won't even matter if there was no virus. I'd still be stuck here in this spot even without the virus. Onto my dating life, I've only dated one woman very shortly, about a month just last year. She was the first and only person I dated and it happened in September right when I turned 30. We met off Hinge, the dating app. She happened to message me first with a Hi and my name! She was really into me with the conversation and I was super surprised as I don't have that experience with my time with dating apps. She wasn't exactly a nerdy type also. Anyway, we agreed to meet for a coffee date after about 2 weeks of talking in Providence. I was very nervous as this was going to be my first date ever at 30. I dressed as fancy as I could and she did compliment that. I was pacing for some time as I was so nervous as I awaited her to arrive. And she finally arrived and gave each other a quick hug which made the nervousness tone down. Things went great and we talked for hours despite this being foreign to me. She was awkward at times so I didn't think much of it. Then we said our goodbyes and hugged each other. I was so happy I finally had my first date ever, it was unreal and I remember it so much. I did text her right when I got home as a follow-up and she agreed and liked that it was good. I was even more surprised as I thought I was bad since I had no reference for dating till then. We agreed to meet again after seeing the pumpkin carvings at the local zoo during October and an impromptu dinner as she texted me if I wanted to get food right about leaving. That’s how inexperienced I am not asking for dinner after that date. It was all amazing to me that these kinds of things were happening, going out with someone, and having dinner. It was something that was so unreal to me. I offered to pay also and she was greatly appreciative of the night as she wanted to cover herself. So this is where things started to change and finding out more about her. We were planning to meet once again during the week after work. We were texting about it in the AM and she stopped replying. But when it was the end of my workday she finally got back to me saying she passed out at an appointment and got a concussion. So I didn't assume I was going to meet up that night at all so I went home. We texted more later and she became erratic because I didn't come to see her like at almost midnight during a workweek. She became more and more upset. She was giving me an ultimatum to either visit her or whatever was happening between us would end. She became more and more upset. Then she was calling me as we never talked over the phone and she was absolutely terrible to me, swearing at me, telling me I was stupid, and so on, and she told me where to go for nothing I did wrong. She wasn't the same person I met on the dates we had. It made me so upset I was taking this all in from her call and I never said anything bad to her. She was absolutely a wreck and I tried telling her I'm not sure why she was acting that way. So she hung up after screaming at me. Then again she was texting me to come to her address which she gave thought text or it was over. So at this point, it would have been foolish since it's already midnight and she lashed out at me and still wants me to come to visit her after her concussion. So she called one again and it made me so sad that the only woman so far to give me a chance was treating me like shit. I then told her what would my therapist think of you as I mentioned her to my therapist since dating is something that is focused on during sessions. I opened up about me never having a partner and she was my first date ever and I don't know why she's acting this way and it hurt me. I guess I calmed her down enough and she wasn't so bad to me. She opened up about herself and she said the concussion caused her to act that way. My therapist later didn't agree and said she saw many red flags with her. Well, we talked into the AM over the phone that night as she told me that she suffers from a rare illness called EDS, and from that illness she has 30 other diseases. I couldn't believe it since you can't see it by looking at her. She told me she is always sick going to appointments and needs major surgery often and she soon was going soon a few weeks later to major neck fusion. I felt for her but still, I didn't think how she treated me was right over the phone that night. So the following day I stopped replying to her. The following day she was texting me and was worried about me and was thinking I ghosted her but that's something I don't do. I had a therapy session that day I talked to my therapist about it. She did say again that there were many red flags and it was sad that she’s a very ill person and it was my personal choice if I continued talking with her after that. She actually called me during my session and left an apology voicemail for her behavior. And said she regrets acting that way and adored me so far and wanted to continue dating. And text replies mentioning that. So I did reply talking about how my therapist said to set boundaries as that behavior was no healthy and unwanted. She was still kind of upset I brought her up during therapy and texted me her medical papers that yes she wasn't lying about her illness. Later that week we did agree to meet for dinner and a movie at the mall in Providence. I came early and there was a miscommunication and she was waiting elsewhere in the mall for me and once again her attitude started changing in the texts. I found her and she wasn't seeming to me that she wasn't happy at all based on her face. And she did have that concussion earlier in the week. We sat down for dinner and I wasn't sure how to approach her being as I was afraid she was going to lash out in public and I'm nervous when someone starts shouting at me and it shuts me down. So I barely was saying anything to her at all. Since I didn't know what she was going to do if I said the wrong thing. So after a while, she became upset and was saying this is awkward us not talking and saying I have communication issues. And I don't listen to her and her ex was the same was and they went to couple’s therapy and called me an INFJ over and over. And she got up off her chair and was thinking to just go home after that and I said you are welcome to. I wasn't putting any argument as I'm not the type of person to fight. So she didn't eat her food at all and ended up throwing it out as the mall was closing and the movie was almost starting. So she offered to just watch the movie and we'll talk about what happened another time. So we did watch a terrible movie name JEXI which I had no interest in. She offered to pay for the movie and popcorn as I did for her in the past. I still wasn't talking much with her during the movie as I was afraid if she will lash out. But watching a movie with her was another huge accomplishment as I never did that with a woman as a date. So this is where more things got interesting. So after the movie, we were leaving and down the escalator, there was an old man that happened to fall down it and his leg was bleeding all over the floor. People were just gathering, and one called 911 for help. She then ran down the escalator to the scene to assist with him. She took her sweater off her back to make a tourniquet for him. She happened to have first aid classes. She didn't want to leave until he was gone by paramedics. She seemed super panicky and I didn't know what to do at that point. I offered her my coat as she only had a tank under her sweater and she declined. We finally walked away when the man was rolled away and there was a large pool of blood near him. So on the way she was super lost and saying she was about to have a panic attack so I gave her a hug to calm her down and she said: "thank you". I walked her to her car in the big parking garage and there was a car driving behind me and she pulled me in as she was afraid I was going to get hit. I was saying it was amazing to see what she did with the man as a hero like that and she told me that sweater had sentimental value and it went to better use to help him. So on the way to her car, I asked from the help of online prior to what I should do at this point of dates, I said "may I kiss you?" She took off her glasses and she leaned her back against her car as she has balance issues with her spine surgeries. And we pulled each other in and we then made out. It was so super unreal. I felt like I was dreaming. I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I was so into it and super passionate about it. We would kiss and she would bite my lower lip and pull away and look into each other's eyes and do it again. It was something out of a movie. I was caressing her body, her hair, and from her illness, I believe it was her vertebrae was dislocating as her neck in the upwards position. She was in a bit of pain and I was apologizing if I was causing it as I was so into our kiss, my first kiss. She didn't mind and were giving each other neck kisses after and I was saying things into her ear that got her really turned on. She then started digging her nails into my back and pushing her lower body into mines. This all happened while cars were passing but I didn't care we were making out in public at this point in my life. After the kiss we held each other saying nothing, it was so peaceful, she then opened up how she has an aneurism in her heart and it can burst anytime and that's how her mother passed. I felt so bad for her and kept on consoling her with caressing her. I then went home a new man after the kiss as I didn't think it finally actually happened at 30. We texted after and talked about the night and how I enjoyed the kiss and she did for someone with no experience like myself in that. Even the next day I couldn't believe it happened. Over time we texted and at times she was flipping a switch with her personality. I wasn't sure what to do as she a very ill person and at times didn’t want to talk and still wanted to and said I have communication issues. She was going into surgery the final week I met her for ice cream. She was very scared of going into a life-threatening surgery and I could see it that night. She wasn't mean to me in person that night and we talked for a few hours into the night in the parking lot. I didn't know much what to say to her since she wanted to say goodbye the next day before she left for NY for surgery. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye as we didn't meet the following day. I didn't get to kiss her again that night either as she said she doesn't like PDA when there are people around as there was to people in their car right near us. So we hugged goodbye. The reason I didn't meet to say a final goodbye before surgery was that she was busy preparing to go and I didn't text her till later in that day and again she was super upset and saying she wasn't going to talk with me and yet she still did. I wished her the best of luck and sent good thoughts as she left. In between then and her coming back I never seen her since last October. Her surgery didn't succeed sadly and she's pretty much disabled now and needs to revise it if possible. I still text with her till this day more of a pen pal. I never asked her if it ended but I was ready to move on as I shouldn't have to have one choice of a person to date and the way things played out. I needed more experiences dating and that's where I am now. But I am grateful she gave me my first dates ever and my first and only kiss, it was more than a peck being a makeout. All I know are dating apps and I even got photos done for them by a photographer who dating photography. It's the same pics I used when that only woman I dated messaged me. But since then I have not had any success or interest from anyone else. I barely get matches if I am lucky. And I'm on all apps and have subscriptions to Match, Tinder and OkCupid. I try to reach out on the apps that allow to message first and even then I barely get a match after so many sent out. I waste more time and get little to no results. Only one woman back in February agreed to meet for coffee and she wasn't interested after the date. It was a short date too and I'm assuming she wasn't as interested in person versus how she seemed on the app of Facebook dating. So since then, it's been pretty frustrating with the no results. I've gotten putting so much time and money into it. Only to get nothing much of it. I have a snapshot of my photos I use and bio now off Tinder and I just use the same for all the other apps. Some on here have trashed me for getting a photographer and saying the photos aren't genuine. But I put my trust in the photographer as he is the professional. Others have criticized my appearance and nerdy type. So I'm not sure what else to do as it's mixed responses on my profile as some also say all is good yet I don't have results. So know I don't know what to do next as with the virus we can't exactly meet people and that was something I wanted to work on this year to go to events to meet people that way. I've done geek speed dating way back in 2018 only to get a blank piece of paper. I tried going to a cosplay meet up at a bar and arcade here and nothing much occurred from them last year. Anything like that isn't happening anytime soon so I only have dating apps or maybe there are ways I still can get something rolling in person? So I am asking for advice or any help to get something that I truly desire a relationship. It hurts at times as so many people have had many at my age and I'm only looking for one to get those experiences in life. My brother and a cousin as examples are just generally terrible and have been abusive to their partners and are wreckless in general and have had many partners. And I don't know how to even be that way and I feel hopeless that I will never experience love as I age older. I was always the outsider growing up and still am. Do I get photos redone by another photographer? Do I try to hire a relationship or dating coach to help? I don't want to give up but it's very depressing that I can't seem to figure out what's wrong and why I can't achieve this. I greatly appreciate any help and thank you very much if you read all this. Thank you. tl;dr: I'm a 31-year-old man who's never had any relationship in my entire life and I recently turned 31 this September. I only dated one woman shortly off a dating app last year and had my first and only kiss. I am grateful for that experience but really want a relationship with me getting older. And it hurts at times knowing this and unless you were in my position you would know how it feels. I don't know what to do now I am still stuck and can't seem to get any interest off dating apps despite taking photos by a dating photographer. Message me if you want a snapshot of my profile.
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